So he has a plan. The plan is, wait for it… to stop drinking vodka. It is not to stop drinking; it is just to stop drinking the ‘problem’ drink. The other half of the plan is to stay at my house for a bit so I can stop him drinking the offending drink. Now I am not hugely convinced by this plan but let’s roll with it for a while and see where we end up.
The first hurdle in this new plan was Friday night, normally we would have gone to the pub for a few hours, I would have come home and he would stay out for a while, bring a take away home, then sit there drinking for the rest of the evening. That normally culminated in an argument as he got more and more pissed and all logic went out of the window. Far from looking forward to Friday nights, I had come to dread them a bit. They would always start off ok but the endings were never pretty.
This week I thought we would give the movies a try. I love going to the cinema, I love sitting in the dark, throwing popcorn down my throat as fast as I can, being half deafened by the noise. I just love it. I have been to the cinema loads in the time I have known ABF (Alcoholic Boyfriend) but he has only ever come with me once, the pub was always his choice of venue for a night out and I think the cinema was always a bit of a no no with him because they don’t sell booze. So, with new resolve, off we trotted for our Friday night at the cinema.
First challenge, to popcorn or not to popcorn – now I am not normally mean but I DON’T share my popcorn. Not with anyone. Ever. He got the message pretty quickly. In the absence of either booze or minstrels (we live in a small town with a small cinema but even I was shocked at the lack of minstrels) on my advice, he settled for a pack of Revels. Revels are one of those packs of sweets that are made for cinema trips – I don’t think I am alone in that I wouldn’t ever consider buying a packet of revels unless I was in a cinema setting, let alone eat an entire bag. But it’s all part of the cinema experience, along with ridiculous amounts of popcorn, ice cream and giant bottle of water to wash it all down with that will hopefully stop you feeling too sick to enjoy the film.
I hadn’t even considered for one second that he had never had a bag of Revels before, so when the first handful was met with loud protests that went something along the lines of ‘what kind of shite is this, this isn’t proper chocolate’, I was a bit taken a back, until that penny dropped. Cue lesson in cinema Revel eating…It’s all about what they feel like, because obviously you can’t see shit in the cinema. The flat ones are Minstrels, the big round ones are Maltesers, the really small round ones are toffee (why do the makers of chocolates insist on inflicting toffee ones on us?), the funny shaped small ones are raisins (ditto previous question Mr. Chocolate Maker) and once you have eaten all of those you are left with the ‘good’ ones – orange centre, strawberry centre and coffee centres.
Lesson in cinema Revels eating dispensed he starts on consuming said bag of chocolates. We are still only at the advert stage at this point. An ad for Wild Turkey flashes across the screen and with a gob full of chocolate he proclaims loudly again that ‘Wild Turkey’ is awful stuff because it is too sweet! Speechless!
He was quickly told to shut up and watch the movie. Which he duly did and it was brilliant.
I fully expected to be dragged into the pub ‘for a quick one’ on the way home but there was no mention of it. Woo Hoo, are we getting there? My elation was short lived because he got home and poured a glass of whiskey instead of the usual vodka. Now anyone can see that whiskey is never going to be a good replacement for vodka. But I am not giving up hope you; let’s see how this goes…